bittersweet symphony

(i wrote it for the instrumental version of fort minor's "remember the name", its on the bottom of this page, chek it out)

Da radical transition from dream to reality, a broken spirit trapped within a living tragedy.
It’s war of the worlds, an unending swirl, a manic depressive jus exploring his own world
Now ride wit me on dis, it’s a lil insane, a lil mind bendin, like a life n death game
But ders onli so much one man can take, u can onli push so far before a lethal mistake
Leaves a gap in yo heart or a hole in yo head, either way, physically or mentally, its bound 2 leav u dead
Life’s a bittersweet symphony, an undulatin ride, mine’s more like a tragic story dat keeps killin me inside

a little bit of love n a little bit of hate,
a little more will than i can negotiate,
a little push here n a little nudge ther,
a little dream to follow n a little help n care
a little voice in ma head that says dont giv up,
a little break from all the depressin stuff
a little shoulda to lean on n warmth from ma hunny
da final sum of all o' dat's ma bittersweet symphony

At every turn, another mistake, at every dawn a new day breaks, wat da new day holds aint no surprise to me, more mistakes, more wrong moves, more insanity
Like a carousel, it keeps goin round n round, same cases, different faces, dey jus keep pullin me down
Into da darkest reaches, hell hath no fury, ma deepest indignations leave hangin doubts in da jury
M I right or wrong, m I livin dis song, is da whole world against me or m I jus takin maself down
m i jus pushin too hard, pushin too strong, pushin too much against an immovable force

a little bit of love n a little bit of hate,
a little more will than i can negotiate,
a little push here n a little nudge ther,
a little dream to follow n a little help n care
a little voice in ma head that says dont giv up,
a little break from all the depressin stuff
a little shoulda to lean on n warmth from ma hunny
da final sum of all o' dat's ma bittersweet symphony

so lemme take u bak to the day, the initial step into the way things r right now, the initial few steps that brought me this far,made me who i am n made us who we are
day after day, night after night, thers things i regret n urges i must fight, to carry on in this land wher everythin's controlled, from the minut ur first born up to the minute ur dead cold
we all take risks, every time we take a breath, who knows what chemical agents could end up leavin us dead, we all gotta watch our backs, nobody's got it covered, its a heartless world, the thoughts make me shudder

a little bit of love n a little bit of hate,
a little more will than i can negotiate,
a little push here n a little nudge ther,
a little dream to follow n a little help n care
a little voice in ma head that says dont giv up,
a little break from all the depressin stuff
a little shoulda to lean on n warmth from ma hunny
da final sum of all o' dat's ma bittersweet symphony

i need help wit...

...learnin flares, windmills n back flips, if anybody can help me step by step, i'd appreciate it a lot, plz holla at mi, thanx...

i need a happy place...

a grave digger, a distant figure, a figment of ma mind, a pill2freeze time,
a reason for treason and divinity defined
an illegible letter, a broken go-getter,
a hopelessly romantic criminal with no aim in life, no direciton,
completely blind, blinded by the simplicity and ease of ignorance,
ignorance is bliss, den why dismiss da ignorant, why not jus ignore da ignorant, let em liv in bliss,
let me liv ma life, lemme face my strides n pay for ma own flaws in ma own time,
lemme be, damit, leme see damit, leme know wher i'l go when i go da way i go cuz its a noshow,
a pointless no show if u push me too hard, i'ma push bak, i aint gonna respond positively to dat,
i aint gonna go nowher, jus keep holdin bak,
go on, try it, try all u want, u already do, n u see it aint workin, u stil push more n more fool,
ders a point wen u gotta realize, i aint gonna b ur dream, i aint gonna fulfill wat u fantasize, i may jus end up losin, losin bad, losin it all jus cuz i didnt use da time i had, but hey, so b it,
i'ma pay for it, let me find ma own way for it, i'ma b gladder everyday for it, i'd rather jus not live another day for it,
but i got sumthn goin, i got a littl pride of ma own n a littl bit o love inflowin, i got a life,
a life i liv everyday dat u barely even know about, barely even see, barely even understand,
u got no clue bout da way i feel, i been to rock bottom n bak, now i'm bak at rock, no choice,
its da way, it sucks, but dats ma life, depression n agony, frustration n fallacy,
tryin2b sumwun i aint, tryin2hard2 attain wat i cant, too much, too much pain, not enough gain,
no way, i'm goin insane, losin it now, wanna walk out, wanna stop it all n end it wit one loud shout,
one loud scream as da round enters ma brain, puts an abrupt end2it, i dunno why i'd even try 2prove it,
why i try2prove em wrong, why i cant run down2da end of dis song, why i cant write no more, why ma mind freezes n blocks up in da cold,
why i see wat i see wen its dark n wat i hear wen everyone els feels a silence n why i freeze in da summer n burn in da winter n why i go blind when i most need ma sight n why i lose ma mind wen i most need2decide n why ma heart goes missin wen i need2follow ma heart n why i stop dreamin wen i need dreams 2 liv up2,
its all a tragic misguidance in da universe, an unrhymin verse, an illogical progression, a terrible indigestion,
spontaneous combustion followed by pointless decapatation of ma memories n fantasies n tragedies n i jus sit n stare at dese, stare at da walls, stare at da words, stare at da big black hearse,
stare at da sky in da middl of da night n see no stars, see no sun at da break of dawn, see no reason to carry on, no reason to carry on, no, i see no reason to carry on
...o wait, maybe sumthin could help me...ah, who m i kiddin, think i stand a chance? a chance in hell?
maybe if it froze over, huh? lemme hav a quik word wit da devil, maybe he'll turn on da freezer,
maybe he'll answer wat i need here, maybe he'll noe wat i shud do nex, maybe...ah, fuk it,
dis is bullshit, i'ma stand ba ma faith, ma faith in the righteous one n ma girl, n ma own littl world,
wher i can b happy, i got ma happy place, long as no one burns it down, i'ma try escapin2it weneva i can,
weneva i feel like i'ma drown on dry land, i'll see her face n see the stars n see the moon n sun n even spot mars in the clear sky, the beautiful night, with her ba ma side, starin up in2 the heavens, dats ma happy place, i gotta go now...i got a moon2chek out now...cya folks, hope i don die out...

ilLOGICal (work in progress)

illogical, illogical, this shit's gettin so inaudible,
somebody, quick, throw me a mike, lemme express ma deepest thoughts tonight
lemme take yall to the darkest corners, the deepest trenches, yeah i'l do u the honor, take ur que number n sit on the benches
u'l get a glimpse of reality, a touch of tragedy, a pinch of insanity, beware of da brutality
so come fly with me, yea get high with me, for all u noe ur even bout2die with me
come see the dark side with me, lets walk through the portal in2ma mind, so suicidal

why even try when we all gonna die, wats da deal with livin this life,
wats up wit all da haenous lies n rotten demise
and mindless murders, rapes, gang wars n suicides
why push on when ur jus pushin to ur own grave
why carry on when ur gonna end up nailed wit a stake
why giv a fuk anymore if no1els cares
why force urself2change2fit in everywher
why bother smilin when thers so many reasons2frown
why bother stayin afloat wen ders so many reasons to drown
why go on day after day, work night after night,
earn money, get rich, n den lose it all in a fight
frightened of the dark, frightened of the night,
freaked out by ur own reflection at instant sight
watchin ur bak, alone in the rain
ur mind goin wild, drivin u crazy insane
who ever said thers always ups and downs
many jus feel the latter, strugglin in testin times,
strugglin to open their eyes, strugglin2even survive
every single day is a battle against the elements,
we brought it upon ourselves so lets quit blamin the irrelevants
take it all in perspective, its a senseless incentive
to strive4success n end up ashes to ashes
if one rotten apple can spoil the whole bunch,
we in4sum serious shit once da spoilin's done
cuz thers no way that ther'll ever b a day
wher animals n ppl n da planet can run astray
without the fear of dyin a brutal death
n no reasons to break a sweat
nomatter how much we try, no matter how far we go,
at the end of the line's a hearse for you
at the end of the day, it gets darker fool,
at the end of it all, we gonna end up dead...cold...

luv dat song ^^ stuk in mi head lol

lowest point of my life...therz stil a light...she's holds it up4me...thank you hunny...

m goin thru such bad depression rite now...tough time in the army, dam tough...others seem2b abl2cope with it but guess i really m jus too chicken :( dunno how2cope with it, i need my guardian angel sooo badly...m soo glad shez ther4mii!!! :) dunno how2thank her! she made this! isnt it sooo sweeet?? she givz me the strength2carry on...i hope i'll b abl2...sounds stupid cuz like every singaporean apparently goes thru it n all but sispec is seriously braekin me...no1noes until they're livin it, so if u r n u think its cool, i salute u...i cant take it...i've gotten in2a lotta troubl cuz of how bad m hatin it but got no choice...hav2complete it...in bout 9 weeks i'll hav my 3rd stripe n b dun with the course, then HOPEFULLY things wil get better, rite now m breakin down like all da fukin time. if u read this baby, thank u so much4bein ther4me hun...really...hope i can repay u4ur suuport...thank you! :)

Somebody to hold

everybody noes, thers onli 1life
everybody needs a hand to hold on to
everybody sees the dark n bright side
everybody needs somebody els to talk to

but when its cold, when its scary, when its dark,
when fear's flarin, u need dat special person (u need somebody to hold)
but when its blindin, when love needs findin, when ur mind is jus remindin
of everythin dat goes untold (u need somebody to hold)
when everybody's starin, n bright lights r blarin,
n ur so lost dat u could die (u need somebody to hold)
n when u noe u cant go any further if u stand all alone,
dats wen u noe dat u really (need somebody to hold)

i took ma chances, played with romances,
picked one after the other, but never had this
i'm stuck on dis one, aint budgin now
i'd giv it all up jus 2 stick it out
aint never come this close, gone this far
done so much, tattooed my heart
with her name, with her life
held on2 her like it wuz fate dat nite
dat brought us 2getha, made us meet
2 b honest wit u, its kinda neat
kinda wicked da way shit jus works out sometimes
u think aint no chance, n badabing, badaboom, badabam
it all falls in2 place, it all jus takes shape
things move too fast to stop n think str8
but u jus noe inside of u dat ur doin it right
dat ders magic in da night

everybody noes, thers onli 1life
everybody needs a hand to hold on to
everybody sees the dark n bright side
everybody needs somebody els to talk to

dis person could b da missin piece to ur life
could fill ur void n make u get high
on the simplest things, sunshine n moonlight

make u see urself so magically bright
make u play a happier tune for ur life
giv u a reason to push, a reason to strive

the strength to carry on n get through each night
when things jus don seem 2 b goin right
its a fairytale come to life, a rythym dats jus right

a dream dat may never die, it unlocks da beauty inside
blurs everythin dats wrong n right

but thers so much to fight for, so much to try for, so much to work for n so much to die for
you gotta work to keep a good thing goin, in life
you gotta push sometimes, beyond your limits, u gotta exceed ur best n outdo the finest,
you gotta sacrifice n appologize n see things from the other person's eyes
cuz u noe dat at the end o da day, a tiny mess up could rip things up inevitably
u noe that love is a fragile rose, an easily breakable sanctuary,
painful at times and full of fury, deadly like poison but the sweetest honey,
a risk worth taking for everybody, a chance of breakin souls n infuriatin those u may love the most
n really need to hold

everybody noes, thers onli 1life
everybody needs a hand to hold on to
everybody sees the dark n bright side
everybody needs somebody els to talk to

but when its cold, when its scary, when its dark,
when fear's flarin, u need dat special person (u need somebody to hold)
but when its blindin, when love needs findin, when ur mind is jus remindin
of everythin dat goes untold (u need somebody to hold)
when everybody's starin, n bright lights r blarin,
n ur so lost dat u could die (u need somebody to hold)
n when u noe u cant go any further if u stand all alone,
dats wen u noe dat u really (need somebody to hold)

field training

wow...out field training starts this week! monday to sunday - in da jungle! argh! 16hrs a day in camo, 24/7 in skeletal battle order >_< fukd for good. wel...its'll b one heck of an experience! at da end of it, we hav2 leopard crawl n back crawl under a line of live machine gun fire and barbed wire for like 75meters...oh boy...lol wel, yeah, so far survivin...howz da civillian life, ya'l? i misss itttt :( :'(